Geesh(!!) you might be thinking. What good will THAT do? Quite a bit actually. If you're willing to take a look at yourself you stand a much higher probability of getting the most out of couples counseling, significantly shortening your stay in therapy, and enhancing your level of satisfaction in the relationship.
Couples have numerous patterns interwoven in their interactions. Many are at a subconscious level, others are quite obvious. Perhaps in arguments you pursue and want quick resolution and your partner tends to withdraw, get quiet, or shut down. You may ask repeatedly (read nag) for something to be done and your partner digs in her heels. One of you may be thrifty with money and your partner a free spender. The list goes on. Patterns are not necessarily negative but the ones that cause you dissatisfaction certainly get your attention. When you change your part in the dance (interaction pattern) your partner often tends to shift somewhat as well.
Would I suggest you change your pattern in order to get your partner to behave differently? No. The value of changing your piece in the dynamic may impact your spouse but it will definitely impact you-often in the form of increased self respect, greater calm, and self focus that allows you to experience your well being from inside. It can be very disempowering and frustrating, not to mention unproductive, to base our well being on someone else's moods, behaviors, words or opinions.
So consider turning inward, reflecting on your own issues and begin to answer the question, "What can I do to improve my relationship right now?"